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katiepickett
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Name: Kathryn
Birthday: 1/26/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: anything outdoors...i'm a bit of an extremist which means i like jumping out of high flying objects with a parachute on my back:) i'll try anything once...i love kids and i love loving kids..especially the really hard to love ones..
Occupation: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  katerbug000
Member Since:
4/28/2004
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| work is picking up with Hosanna, but i'm still not sure I enjoy being a "contract" therapist. Its too hit or miss and its difficult to budget not knowing what your week or month will look like. I am finding myself drawn to reading the bible more and more, which is something I haven't felt since high school. This is obviously a good thing, but i have yet to feel settled or at peace by anything. I keep reverting back to the past. I keep in touch with old friends in lexington and at my old job at The Ridge and I keep thinking about wanting to move back. my old job is open, so that doesn't help.
I felt that way when we first moved to Lexington...I wanted to go back to Anderson. I'd bet money that if we decided tomorrow to move to chicago, I'd find it deep within my soul to miss atlanta. I don't know why all of a sudden i am having such difficulty with change and not being able to embrace today. I've got to let go of everything that is holding me back. emotionally, mentally, spiritually....maybe i've just become set in my ways in my old age, and change becomes harder as we age. i wonder sometimes what it will take for my spirit to rest. I think that if we had friends here i would feel better. then i think if i had a better job i would feel better. or maybe if we had a church home, things would feel more comfortable, but i know that it is in my heart what needs to change, not the outside stuff that will ever be changing and less than perfect. | | |
| I had the interview today at Laural Heights Hospital. it went well, i think, but they have one other person they will interview before making a decision. After I left I felt very unsettled. I tried to remember the last time I felt sure of myself in this type of situation. its been a while and i came to the conclusion that i worry way too much. i knew this about myself prior to this moment, but it became so clear how much this worry in my life has been controlling my life. i doubt, i second-guess, i feel uncertain, i lack faith. i think about stupid shit that really shouldn't be dictating my life right now. i don't enjoy the small things. i always look to the next thing and then worry about it. it has made sense in my life to look to the next thing as this is kinda how i planned it. with school anyway. and the last two years have been centered on "getting through right now so we can get to the next thing". and that worked for us in order to get through school, but now that we are no longer in school., it feels like mission impossible to just enjoy life.
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| I haven't written in soo long and noticed many of the blogs that brought me back to xangaland are no longer "active." While this saddens me a bit I can't blame anyone as I, too, have a difficult time updating my own blog.
Recently there have been many changes in my life, quite a few that I am very anxious about. I quite working at the therapeutic boarding school that is 70 miles away. The school is going through some hard times and the counseling staff was informed in early January that due to low numbers, our hours and pay would be cut by about 10%. The headmaster said that due to the uncertainty of the situation, if there were people who wanted to look for part time work, he encouraged us to do so. So, I started the job hunt again and found an agency in Atlanta called Hosanna. They are new to Atlanta but use a therapeutic approach that is not new to the area. They employ contract workers to and I was hired to be an IFI Clinician. IFI stands for Intensive Family Intervention. These are families who have serious issues or are in serious danger of having their child removed. I was hired to work with the teens. This was about 6 weeks ago and I was able to give HLA lots of notice and I still have yet to be assigned an actual IFI case. This is not good as I'm not salaried; i'm paid for hours I can bill. Long story, but basically I have been sitting at home praying for work to come my way for the past four days. I started a new job search and found a UHS hospital that is hiring. I have an interview tomorrow. I may be able to do substance abuse work again if I get hired.
Bottom line with all of this is how much i miss lexington, how much i miss The Ridge, how much i miss feeling comfortable with my surroundings. I still don't feel like this is home. We have yet to find a home church, we have no friends. We thoroughly enjoy the city, all of the things and entertainment it has to offer. I even want to buy a house here. I want this to feel like home. I want to settle down in a place for longer than a year or two. I need to also. I have to get my full license before we think about another big relocation. Its too hard to find work without it. I have an associate's license-thats what they call it here. but a full LCSW would make jobs sooo much easier and with better pay.
I just want to feel settled.
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| ok, so i have my first real georgia interview today at 2pm. its with an alternative school and sounds almost perfect for me. the biggest glitch is that it is 70 miles away. i am ok with a commute, but i have no idea what a 140 miles each day will feel like. i am jumping the gun because i've not even gone for the interview, but i REALLY want this job. i have been here for over two weeks, this week being the beginning of my third week of not working. i have never gone this long without a job. i have never gone this long without feeling purpose in my days or understanding the purpose of this time. i hesitated even writing that i have an interview today because if i don't get the job, i am not only still unemployed, but i've broadcasted that i didn't get hired. i've had very little response to the resumes/applications i've sent out and i can't help but feel discouraged. i know these things take time, i'm just having a hard time with it all. i feel pressure and i think i'm attaching some self-worth to whether i have a job or not. i know i'm being silly and i have worth beyond measure, but i can't help but feel a bit down during the day when i have watched the 17th episode in a row of gilmore girls and know that tomorrow will be the same. ok, i'm off to dahlonega to interview with this school. my prayer is that if this is meant to be, God will provide and if it is not, something else will come along. | | |
| where do i belong, where do i fit it?
i just looked at pictures of several friends on facebook and i love getting to see old friend who live far away and see what they are up to and the fun they are having. its not so much that i am jealous of the group pics of everyone having a good time, its more that i wonder when we will have the opportunity to have that in our new "home," Atlanta. or maybe we just reserve those types of pictures for when we go back to indiana and michigan for visits. and its not even the pictures that matter so much, but its more that those people look like they are surrounded by love and by people who know them and genuinely want to be having a good time with them. everything in ky felt forced or just uncomfortable. we made friends with church people, but for the most part it just felt polite since we were either the youngest in the crowd or the newbies having to engage in "get to know ya" chit chat. i know i went through this round of questions and wondering when we would feel as though we fit in with anyone in ky and so it is only natural that ga would get the same questions. will we make friends here? real friends. will we find a church where there are people there who are our age and who we feel we really connect with? will we stick around long enough to really make those connections.
i must go to homecoming this year. its my only opportunity to take those kinds of pictures. but more importantly, its the time where i feel reconnected to a group of people who know me and love me. and i need that right now. oh how i miss my friends. | | |
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